For Real For Real?

 I was gonna make this awesome post about my weekend... but then it turned into one of those rough days where you just turn off your phone and you don't turn it back on for a month. 

So here's where I have a heart to heart about me as a person and most importantly as a friend to people out there on the internet. 

I might be an awful human being, I don't think that I am. I recycle and go out of my way for strangers, I do a lot for a lot of random shenanigans. I try to make sure that everyone around me is first, and having a good day. But there are like 3 pet peeves that I have. 

1. Being a hypocrite. I mean really, if you are going to be an asshole, be an asshole, but if you are going to say your a nice person don't be an asshole. Or that you think doing something is wrong but then you go out and do it, that'll get you on a list. 

2. Not returning phone calls

3. Just tossing our friendship away out of anger. 

And that's just what happened. I've cried about it, but I think what is the worst for me is that you spend all this time and effort into something with someone, (friendship or significant other) and in the end it seems like such a waste. What was the point of spending all this time planning stuff with someone who just deep down cared so little about you in the end. It's an awful feeling. And I will fight til my last breath, until those "it's over" words come out. And it's just like the door closes on my heart. Cause it was so easy for someone just to walk away. How can you come back from that? I wasn't even worth fighting through something. 

And then it turns ugly. and the hurtful ugly words come out. and I just shut down and shut them out. and it's done. and it hurts. and it's just monday on a very long week.