What I really want to talk about...
You know this week there has been a lot of crafting. I did some embroidery for a Christmas present, a lot of yarn dyeing (it is how I make the dollars (holla)) and just unhalloweening the house. It also has been raining for days and days and days. Today was the first day of sunshine, and the Dr. and I sort of got to sleep in and it was just supposed to be this nice fantastic day; but in the middle of it, I had to walk away from a group of people that were really important to me, and it's sort of got me in a funk.
The Dr. and I actually did end up playing Halo 5 after dinner, and that sort of blowing things up and pure shenanigans in an explosive sort of way is very therapeutic.
I feel like I'm the sort of doormat sometimes that people just think "Oh, it doesn't matter if Amy is bothered by this, cause nothing ever bothers her." And for the most part it is very true. In 97% of situations, I am a silver lining, everything will be happy and great and fun and smiles. And then there is the 3% that will leave me in tears. Those things that affect me so very deeply that it will shake me to my core.
I've always prided myself with being that sort of person that people could come to with problems and I am a great listener. Just ask anyone. Always there, never really demanding, just the good friend. Today, When I needed someone I got just deaf ears. And then hurt by a friend. In principle I guess you could say that maybe deep down that maybe they weren't my friend at all, but I thought they were and I refuse to think that everything everyone says to me is just a ginormous lie. But honestly, it did make me rethink that maybe I could stay in the house and not be social and just say goodbye to everyone and live my life in this beautiful little house and be as happy as I could be with just my dogs and my husband. How sad was that.
I feel so tossed aside. Like my friendship was so easy to toss aside for these people, but yet so important and such a big deal to me. There have been a few times like that. With Lori, and Courtney and with Jennifer. Like one time I wasn't perfect and needed just to be heard, that I had been hurt, that even though I had made them this big deal, that I was crap to them. And it hurts.
There's probably going to be a lot more crafty Amy time, and I think that's okay.
Normally fun Amy would say "What I do know is that I might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'd rather be someone shot of tequila anyways" and that's very true. I'd rather find out who my true friends are rather than keep the ones who really don't care. It doesn't make finding the fake ones out any less difficult.
The Dr. and I actually did end up playing Halo 5 after dinner, and that sort of blowing things up and pure shenanigans in an explosive sort of way is very therapeutic.
I feel like I'm the sort of doormat sometimes that people just think "Oh, it doesn't matter if Amy is bothered by this, cause nothing ever bothers her." And for the most part it is very true. In 97% of situations, I am a silver lining, everything will be happy and great and fun and smiles. And then there is the 3% that will leave me in tears. Those things that affect me so very deeply that it will shake me to my core.
I've always prided myself with being that sort of person that people could come to with problems and I am a great listener. Just ask anyone. Always there, never really demanding, just the good friend. Today, When I needed someone I got just deaf ears. And then hurt by a friend. In principle I guess you could say that maybe deep down that maybe they weren't my friend at all, but I thought they were and I refuse to think that everything everyone says to me is just a ginormous lie. But honestly, it did make me rethink that maybe I could stay in the house and not be social and just say goodbye to everyone and live my life in this beautiful little house and be as happy as I could be with just my dogs and my husband. How sad was that.
I feel so tossed aside. Like my friendship was so easy to toss aside for these people, but yet so important and such a big deal to me. There have been a few times like that. With Lori, and Courtney and with Jennifer. Like one time I wasn't perfect and needed just to be heard, that I had been hurt, that even though I had made them this big deal, that I was crap to them. And it hurts.
There's probably going to be a lot more crafty Amy time, and I think that's okay.
Normally fun Amy would say "What I do know is that I might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'd rather be someone shot of tequila anyways" and that's very true. I'd rather find out who my true friends are rather than keep the ones who really don't care. It doesn't make finding the fake ones out any less difficult.
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